We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...year after year.

So I've been thinking about the future alot lately...I think getting my tarot read caused that. And then I started to think about what I asked the tarot...my career. Why not my love life? Why not about my family that I could have? It's because I don't want to know. I'm terrified that it would tell me that once again I'd make an impulse decision and get married some time in a few years, and then where the hell would I be? I'm a very selfish person because I don't want to spend my life making decisions to make other people happy. If I'm married I have to consider the other person. What if I want to go try living in NYC, but my spouse has a nice reliable job in some place like Douglasville that it makes no sense to leave? What am I supposed to do then. It happened to my granny and to my mom and I don't want it to happen to me.
And kids...what the hell. I'll have to spend a significant portion of my life feeding them, clothing them, giving things up so that they can have what they need...and I would do all that with no questions, but I don't really want that. The thing that I prize the most in my life is my independence. My freedom to make choices that if they go wrong will only affect me. And I love that because I don't really care that much what happens to me, but I sure as hell won't knowlingly do something that could hurt somebody that I love. And I would love my husband and/or my kids so I couldn't just take of to work for the PeaceCorp on the other side of the earth because my family would need me, and I couldn't see them hurt. So I think what it comes down to is that I'm fine on my own because the only person I'll hurt is myself, and I like it that way.