I've been waiting here for so long

So a quick rant and then an update. The quick rant is this...people are bullshit.
I'm going to Tampa tonight with Mark. It's our first road trip together and we're going to see his sister so I'm pretty excited. I got a tattoo....shhh my family can't know. I think it's pretty bad ass but you guys can pass judgement when you see it yourself. I've met Heather's new boy and I like him a good bit. I had a wonderful time hanging out at Oasis last night with friends, and classes are just classes. I'm sure there are more interesting things to talk about but I don't really care to elaborate on those and that's about it.

If everything could ever feel this real forever

The last week flew by and there isn't anything to interesting to report. Heather got in a bike wreck and her toe is fucked up, I got a hundered on a quiz in German, and I got to spend some quality time with my Statesboro friends. I also spent most of the week sober, so that means I'm doing better than last semester. We went to a badass party last weekend, and to the Boonie Deathfest this weekend, so party wise life hasn't been to bad. I had a nice talk with Moe this morning about love, people, and life in general. I will never be able to describe my relationship with Moe, but regardless this morning (even though I almost cried) was good. In fact life is good. I have my own place, enough cash to scrape by, the security of knowing who my real friends are, and a loving family back home. I'd say I'm doing pretty good. I've noticed hypocracy running rampant at GSU and I'm finding it pretty damn funny that things that were so "evil" last year are now perfectly acceptable. I guess I really can be a trend setter. ;)

It takes my pain away

What are you supposed to do when you see somebody that you really love hurting themself? What are you supposed to do when you know that there isn't anything you can do to stop them?
How are you supposed to help somebody that refuses to help themself? They say they're better and then a few month later it happens again, and there is nothing you can do. You feel weak, and powerless, and like shit that you can't help.
I was thinking this morning about something somebody said to me last night, something that alot of people have said to me when they decide to look at their own lives and feel sorry for themselves. This person told me that I had a perfect life. I'll admit for the most part I have a good life, and to most people I think it looks better than it is on the outside. Just because your parents had money or they bought you a car when you were sixteen doesn't mean you haven't been through shit. It doesn't mean that life was rosy every damn day of your life. I'm not writing this for pity, because I am one of those people that can say even though I hate life sometimes, I am happy with it for the most part. I like my life, and I know that I have it pretty damn good, but like my International Studies teacher said, we should never feel bad for what we have. We should just try to make it to where everyone can have what we have. The point of all of this was that don't assume that just because your life seems shittier than someone elses doesn't mean that it was. We've all had problems, some worse than others, and nobody has had the perfect life.
Well with that out of the way, the week has been pretty damn good. Class is mediocre at best but I can handle it, and it's been nice to see everybody from last year. Oh a guy I know partially sliced the tendon in his wrist while playing with a samuri sword when drunk. The lesson; friends don't let friends play with sharp objects in a drunken stupor.

Sippin on gin and juice

So a quick update on the past few days. Moved into my bad ass townhouse...it's awesome. There's a lot of space and Mark and Blake live literally directly behind us. Got drunk on Friday night but nothing to crazy happened..then yesterday we finished getting our respective places set up, and went to get Mark's tatoo. It looks so good and it made me really excited about getting mine. Then we had my birthday party which was pretty fun other than I made the mistake of smoking on top drinking and got sick. Other than that life is going on as usual. To those left in d'ville I miss you guys but I'll see you the next time I come home.

Sit around and watch the tube but nothings on

So I'm back from my whirlwind trip to Statesboro. I have a better idea about jobs, and I got to spend some much needed time away from home. I found some interesting things out about some people...a couple of months ago it would have made me angry as hell because of the hypocracy but now I find it hysterical. Always remember; don't condem others for an action if you're going to turn right around and do it yourself. Chillin with Heather this weekend was wonderful as usual, and getting to see Jesus and other people from our friends at Southern was nice.
There's so much I could say right now to give this post some meaning or point but I don't think I will. In fact I'll just leave you with a warning. Remember Lady in the Water: the danger it right in front of our eyes.

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...year after year.

So I've been thinking about the future alot lately...I think getting my tarot read caused that. And then I started to think about what I asked the tarot...my career. Why not my love life? Why not about my family that I could have? It's because I don't want to know. I'm terrified that it would tell me that once again I'd make an impulse decision and get married some time in a few years, and then where the hell would I be? I'm a very selfish person because I don't want to spend my life making decisions to make other people happy. If I'm married I have to consider the other person. What if I want to go try living in NYC, but my spouse has a nice reliable job in some place like Douglasville that it makes no sense to leave? What am I supposed to do then. It happened to my granny and to my mom and I don't want it to happen to me.
And kids...what the hell. I'll have to spend a significant portion of my life feeding them, clothing them, giving things up so that they can have what they need...and I would do all that with no questions, but I don't really want that. The thing that I prize the most in my life is my independence. My freedom to make choices that if they go wrong will only affect me. And I love that because I don't really care that much what happens to me, but I sure as hell won't knowlingly do something that could hurt somebody that I love. And I would love my husband and/or my kids so I couldn't just take of to work for the PeaceCorp on the other side of the earth because my family would need me, and I couldn't see them hurt. So I think what it comes down to is that I'm fine on my own because the only person I'll hurt is myself, and I like it that way.