I've tried so hard to cleanse these regrets

My heart has now broken 3 times in 4 months...it really sucks. My situation reminds me of the end of Garden State where Zach Braff's character is talking to Sam about how it isn't an ending or a period, but more like an elipsis. However, in the movie he comes back and says the elipsis is stupid, where as in real life (how odd that I point this out everytime I watch the movie and now it's happening to me) he's not running back to say that we'll be together now. The elipsis stands and the seperation will be another semester. It's the right thing, and the good thing but it really fucking blows. I already feel like a piece of me is missing and it's only been 24 hours since we said goodbye. I was really torn up last night, but I'm doing better now...and I know I'll do better each day.

And in the night we'll wish this never ends, we'll wish this never ends

So another year is rapidly drawing to a close, and as per tradition I like to look back on all I've learned this year.
If you fuck with the law enough it will fuck you (not learned personally)


Never make any major decissions while intoxicated, you will live to regret them


Death and life are like the 7th Harry Potter book...even though it's technically over, I refuse to believe that it will ever really end


We make mistakes to teach us something, so every mistake we make is worth it in the end


Friends come from unexpected places


Distance means nothing, if you love some one (romantically or platonically) you're never really apart


20 years is old enough to be allowed into family decisions that used to be made by the "adults"


Dealing with my family (immediate and extended) might be more difficult than peace talks in the middle east.


This year has been one mixed with everything. In some respects I've had some of the greatest times of my life, and some of the worst. Mortality became a big issue in the latter part of the year, and honestly it's truely the first time I've ever really had to deal with it. As always I'm still searching for my meaning in life and my place in the world, but I really do feel that after all that has happened to me in the last year I might be closer to finding it. Of course I had to fall back in to old bad habits to realize all of this, but eventually I'm going to get to the point where I don't have to keep picking myself back up all the time because I won't fall as often.

You're a boomerang you'll see

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time...possibly ever. It gave me hope for all that I have to look forward too.

My eyes hurt

Staying up until 4 in the morning registering for classes sucks, but I got it done.
MWF


Intro to ethics 12-12:50


News Writing and Reporting 3-4:45


Astronomy Lab on Mondays 7:30-9:30


TR


Astronomy of the Solar System 9:30-10:45


Critical Thinking 12:30-1:45


Computer Applications on Tuesdays 3:30-4:20


Computer Concepts on Tuesdays 6:30-8:10


Not the most ideal schedule but due to the fact I registered 2 months late I feel decent about it. I'm excited about the philosophy and journalism courses, not so stoked about computers and astronomy but it has to happen.

That's the way it is in Minnesota

It's beginning to dawn on me that I was raised in a alternate family, alternate meaning different from the norm. We spend our time together drinking wine and talking about philosophy, politics, literature, etc... Yet at heart no matter how hard we try to be sophisticated we are still a bunch of fucking red necks. It just had to be said. In the last couple of days a few things have come to light that make me question a man that I've held in very high regard since I've known him. What's he's done can be seen in multiple ways, but I can't stop focusing on the fact that this person I considered family and loved as if he were my own blood, might have just been using my grandmother. I don't think this is the case, I think things are just really complicated, but if it is then once again part of the foundations of my world will be shaken. What sucks is that we can never really know, and what really sucks is that my grandmother is now having to ask herself if she ever really meant anything to him. This only furthers my thinking that love is perhaps something that should be avoided at all costs, because as far as I can tell from my life and others it often leads to heartbreak, and I'm beginning to think that it's not worth it.

Interesting fact

Merry Clayton is the chick that sings the female vocals in the Stones "Gimme Shelter." I did not know that. According to wikipedia she also did back up on "Sweet Home Alabama." Crazy world right?

Caress me down

Thanks for the sympathies you guys, I really appreciate it. It's been a weird fucking semester. I never thought there would be a time in my life that topped the first semester my freshman year in weirdness and bad decissions on my part, but this one has. However, this one didn't break my like the first time. I've got it together, kinda, and I'm finally really realizing that looking at the past and wondering what could have been is absolutely no help at all. Fuck it I'm looking to the future.